Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Ugly Pregnant



The only reason I'm writing about this is because Jason happened to capture it on camera. And I'm in the mood to embarrass myself. This face (and what comes along with it) is what I now refer to as "ugly pregnant."
Let me explain ugly pregnant. It starts with the face. Exhibit A: the picture. You will get this glare as a brief warning. Then, a voice that is loud and hateful barks at its victim; letting the victim in on the error of their ways. After another second of glaring, I reappear and immediately apologize. I'm convinced it's a possession and I'm in need of an exorcism.
For the most part I've been very happy and relatively normal throughout this pregnancy, but there are moments when this monster comes out. It can be provoked by almost anything and at the most inappropriate of times...in the middle of the store, at a restaurant, in front of company...you name it, ugly pregnant has been there.

So now I must make a public apology to my ugly pregnant victims.
  • To the random guy who bumped into me in the hallway without so much as an apology. I'm sorry that I yelled "excuse me" and muttered a name under my breath which I can't repeat on this blog. But you really should say you're sorry when you run over someone.
  • To the other random guy who wouldn't stop staring at my pregnant belly. I'm sorry that I asked you what you were looking at. I know what you were looking at, but you really shouldn't stare.
  • To the third random guy who cut me off in the parking lot. I'm sorry that I raised my hands up in the air and yelled at you. And actually I don't think you really cut me off; I just needed to yell at someone.
  • To the lady at Motherhood Maternity. I'm sorry I said "no" really loudly when you asked me for the eighth time if I wanted a free magazine subscription. You were just doing your job.
  • Last but not least. To my husband. You get the brunt of this and I am forever sorry. You've been the best husband and you've tried so hard to make things easy for me. I hope that our new system of warning you when the ugly pregnant is about to happen works. Let me remind you of the system. I smile and say, "you're about to bring out my ugly pregnant." At that time, you stop what you're doing OR you do what I ask. It's really that easy. I love you. You're a trooper.

2 comments:

Dara said...

I've seen that face before! Although I think the last time it was directed at Denver for slapping his bass too much. Those were good times.

OCdeanwife said...

Did you notice that all of your "ugly pregnant" victims were men, except for one! It's OK because your ugly pregnant is still cuter than most ugly pregnants that I have known, especially my own! Just a few more days!

We love you!