Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Confessional Tuesday

Confession No. 3: Workin' It

I am a full-time, stay-at-home mom. There. I said it. I've finally admitted it to myself, and now I'm admitting it to you, too. 

Before I go on, I must say this. I respect all moms who do their best for their children. Stay-at-home, has to work, wants to work, full-time help, no help, single moms, you name it, I applaud you all. It's a hard job for everyone. There is no right or wrong way.

This is merely my story.

I never thought I would be a full-time mom. I've actually never had the maternal urge to have babies. Yes, I've thought, "Well we've been married for a few years, I'm approaching 30, it would be nice to be a somewhat young parent, etc." You know, the logistics. Never have I thought, "I want to have a cute, little baby to squeeze, and hold, and love, etc." None of that. Ever. Not once. I've tried to force myself to think that way, but I never have. I may have that urge in the future. Maybe in like 10 years from now when I forget the madness of having a baby, and the madness that will ensue with two babies, I'll have that urge; but until that day I hold true to my previous statement.

I kind of stumbled across staying home with Chloe. Jason and I are only in Cleveland for a year, and it just made sense to us. It seemed like the right choice. I had a really hard time at first. Creating my own routine was hard. Knowing what to do all day was hard. Lack of adult conversation was hard. Everything about it was a complete change from everything I'd known in my life. I've had a job since I was sixteen, and this was so different.

But now that I've settled into it, created that routine and have a plan for each day, I really love it. I wouldn't give anything for the time I've spent with Chloe. She is so precious and I've been fortunate enough to be there for almost every moment. 

In terms of difficulty, this is the hardest job I've ever had. It is relentless. Long days, sometimes even longer nights. No breaks. No Labor Day. Day-in, day-out. That's the requirement. 

This will all change once we move back to Oklahoma. If things go as planned (which they normally do, right?) then I will return back to work. Doing what? No idea. But that's another confession for another day. I will once again be a working mom. I'm already dreading the day I have to leave my children with a caregiver. My heart's already aching. 

So until that day, I will enjoy every moment of where I am. I will have trouble finding time to shower, and I will probably wear my hair in a ponytail five days out of the week. But I will also spend each moment loving, teaching, and raising my precious daughter. I will hold her tight and love her more, knowing that these moments are fleeting. 

I can definitely and honestly say, this is the best, most unexpected job I've ever had.


OK Chick said...

Your days are busier than mine.
Great picture of you and Chloe.

Tamra said...

Love it. Love you.

Lea Liz said...

Im a stay at home mom too.. I know exactly what you mean!!!

Vicki said...

Your blog always makes me laugh...this one made me remember! You will NEVER have a better job than the one you have as a fulltime mom. Hard work? ABSOLUTELY. You will reap the rewards later in life too when you look at your grown up children with pride and realize that your sacrifices of money, career,etc helped mold them into what they are. I am praying you NEVER have to go back to a "paying" job. I'm proud of you and Jason for making this commitment. It's hard to do. Chloe and Dos Lashley will be blessed. Love you all!