(Chloe, at 3 1/2 months, snuggling with mama)
For the first few months of Chloe's life, swaddling was a way of life around our house. When she was a newborn, we kept her swaddled 80% of the time, gradually weaning her the older she became. In that time, she has grown in her independence. She loves to play by herself, entertain herself and show us her determination and stubbornness whenever she gets a chance.
For the past couple of months, she has not been swaddled at all. Our bedtime routine has also changed. It used to be, that I would swaddle her and rock her to sleep. But since we stopped swaddling her, she wants absolutely nothing to do with me trying to help her fall asleep. We read our books, say our prayers, sing a lullaby, and put her in her bed. She likes falling asleep on her own.
Of course this progression is what we've been working towards. Falling asleep on her own, without swaddling her was the ultimate goal. But I have to admit that there are times when I wish that she would let me swaddle her up, rock her, love on her, kiss her sweet little face, and put her to sleep.
Well, I got my chance the other night. We put her to bed, and when I went to check on her, she was on her stomach with her head buried into the mattress. It kind of freaked us out. So we flipped her over and she got mad! Screaming and crying. She would not go back to sleep. So I picked her up, grabbed a blanket, swaddled her little arms, and began rocking her.
She immediately became calm. Her cries began to subside. And she melted.
In that moment, I cried a few tears because of the sweetness of it all. No matter what, I'm her mom. I'm the one, in those moments when she can't figure it out on her own, that she needs. I'm comfort to her. I pray that I remain that rock for her. I pray that I always have the wisdom to know how to ease her spirit.
I know that my role as her mother will change as she grows. God willing, there will be a time when she is an adult and I become more of a friend. But I also know, as an adult, there are still times when you just need your mom. That voice is the only one that comforts. I pray that I can be the kind of my mom my mother has been to me. The kind that knows exactly what to say at the right time. The kind of mom that rescues you when you need it the most. The kind of mom that wants nothing but happiness and success in your life. The mom that encourages you, no matter what.
I just love being her mom, and I hope that in one way or another, she always needs me.
A little selfish, I know. But I just can't help myself.
(I just realized that many of my pictures lately, have been of me in my glasses, no makeup, with my hair in a ponytail. I'm sorry. My deepest apologies. One of these days, I'll get all dressed up, take some pictures, post them, and knock your socks off. Or maybe the size of my belly will knock your socks off. Either way, those socks are coming off, baby.)