Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Can't help but wonder.

Chloe and I go to the YMCA for swimming lessons every Monday. It has been so much fun and is officially my favorite activity I do with her, mainly because she loves it so much. A couple of weeks ago we started a new session, which brought in a new batch of kids and moms. All of the moms are so sweet, but there is one mom I can't help but be a little intimidated of. She walks into the pool completely perfect. Perfect hair. Perfect skin. She's a little older and yet has the body of 20 year old. Seriously, Pilates at least 2 hours a day. She is perfectly pulled together. Her boy is precious. He's probably been reciting his ABC's since he was 2 months old. I can assume she's read every baby book in the world. Maintains a perfect schedule. Totally and utterly devoted every minute to being a mom. Almost like she runs a business. In fact she probably runs a small country and still has time to take her son to swim lessons every Monday. Do you know the type of mom I'm talking about? I admire her, but I can't help but compare myself to her.

You see, I don't have it all pulled together. We're lucky to make it to the pool on time and fully dressed. My daughter is in a swimsuit that's a little too small. I'm in a two-piece that somehow holds it all together, except for my bulging belly. I have no makeup on. My hair is in some sort of scary ponytail. And I'm usually just winging it. 

But it made me think. How do people see me? Not just strangers, but my husband, my family, my friends, acquaintances. They used to just see me. But now, do they only see me as a mom? Or somehow, behind the ponytail, and the non-makeup face, do you still see that girl? The girl who is quirky. Who is reserved until you get to know her. Who loves music and art and being creative. Who loves to laugh and smile. Who is organized and yet free-spirited. Who would eat only cheeseburgers if given the choice. Who has an eclectic, yet fashionable style. Who is goofy and awkward and uncoordinated. Who is determined and stubborn and strong-willed.

A girl who just happens to be a mom now, too?
I hope that no matter how devoted I am to my family, I never forget what makes me, me. I know that I can never forget that girl. I still see her. 

I still am her. 

But sometimes I can't help but wonder if those around me see her too.

5 comments:

OCdeanwife said...

I have a hard time seeing you in any other way than what you described! You are all of those things and more -- a mom too! Although, I still have a hard time seeing you as a mom--maybe when you are back in OK and I see you that way more often it will help! No matter, you will always just be precious!

Jesse and Toni Connelly said...

Great pictures! I actually started reading your blog because you openly admitted that you didn't know it all. When I first had our kid blogs made me so depressed because I was clueless and everyone else seemed to have perfect happy kids. Its nice to read about ordinary things and know that I'm not the only one in a perpetual pony tail.

Mandy said...

What's funny is that I kind of see you like that other mom you described! All perfect and pulled together with a great body and great style.

Ryan and Katie said...

I was about to type the same thing Mandy did. I bet someone at the pool thinks that about you too!!

Carisa Rene said...

You may not have ANY idea who I am, but I am also agreeing with what the last two girls said. I went to OC and was a few years younger than you, but you were that person that always seemed to be pulled together, GREAT style, and yes...I am a blog stalker, little creepy I know, sorry bout that. Anyway, yes...I still see you as that "cool" girl. But now, the "cool" mom. I read your blogs, because one day I will start having kids, and like the realness you have in each post, and like the humor in each post, and honestly it does make me excited to...one day...be a mom. So just know that YOU are that mom that other people look at with envy.

Carisa