Thursday, December 17, 2009

How to Bake a Ham with a Crazy-Haired Monster

You can tell what kind of day Chloe is having by her hair. Most days her hair stays nice and she stays nice, but there are days when her hair turns crazy. She turns into a mad woman. And I practice patience while breathing deeply. 

Just look at the pictures below. Her hair. It was one of those days. After a morning of crying, fussiness, and a general bad attitude, I ran through the laundry list of things that could be wrong. Is she teething? Does her stomach hurt? Is she tired? Is she hungry? Is she bored? Does she hate me? Is she running a fever? Is it the flu? Is it a cold? Does she think I'm a bad mom? Does she hate her outfit? Does she hate my outfit? Could she really hate me? After running through a gamut of tests, I decided that she was just having a bad day (with a hint of hatred towards me) and that I just needed to go about things.  

So I put my $8 ham from Aldi in the crockpot, and realized that the ham was too big. While pushing and shoving the ham into the crockpot, Chloe lost it. Lost it like I've never seen.  

Knowing that I needed to figure out the ham situation, and feeling a little desperate, I put Chloe in her seat on the kitchen counter. I handed her a wooden spoon to play with which she tossed on the ground immediately. After a few moments, she reached behind her to find a pear. A Harry & David's pear. At first I thought I should take it away (mainly because I wanted to eat it myself). But she turned quiet. The pear was clean. She put it in her mouth. I retrieved the stem and watched. Slowly but surely, she gummed her way through the skin of the pear.

I plucked away the flesh as she tore it away. 

She worked on it. And worked on it. And worked on it. Sucking out the juices and pulp.

She almost ate the whole pear. By herself. 

And she was so happy. And quiet. And I had a chance to beat the ham into submission. And there were no tears. 
Until I took it away. 

Please don't call DHS on me. I realize she could have choked on it. But I was right there the whole time. And she was quiet. And proud, I might add. And I'm a very watchful mom. She's never pulled down a lamp onto herself, or used an outlet cover as a pacifier, or busted her face on the kitchen floor, or nearly choked on a ginormous flaxseed oil vitamin. Never, ever, ever. 

One more thing. This is exactly what her hair looked like when we picked her up from her Bible class last Sunday. She looked insane, her hair was sticking out everywhere, and she had a busted lip. I believe they blacklisted her. 

And another thing, the mangled and beaten ham turned out great. 

4 comments:

Lea Liz said...

We have a pear tree in our back yard and Brody ate them all summer long, seriously he loved them and he gummed his way through it too!! Hey it's a healthy snack for them:)

Jesse and Toni Connelly said...

I had a similar situation with an apple except I wasn't especially watchful. I doubted JAC could bite hard enough to break off a piece. He broke off lots of pieces and choked on a piece. I felt guilty. I also had to duct tape my outlets. JAC took out the covers and shoved them in his mouth too. Thanks for your candor.

MaKenna said...

I cant WAIT to see that crazy haired monster. I'll give her a run for her money, I'll show her drama.

no, wait. Let's just give her to chase when she is a wild woman..

OK Chick said...

Great story! It looks like she is a pear eater. :)

So how did the ham turn out?