Saturday, December 12, 2009

If Only

My firstborn. 

The happiness and joy she brings into my life. When I look at her I feel so much. How can I not? She's a little miracle. 

Lately, there have been times when I look at her and feel a little tinge of guilt. I thought we'd have a little more time it just being the two of us. It's not that I feel guilty about having another baby. There's plenty of love to go around. I think I just wish that I could somehow explain things to her.

I want to get inside her little brain and speak to her in a language that she can perfectly understand. If I could, I would explain how much I love her. Explain to her how she's changed me in every way possible. Explain to her that I will feel the same about her regardless of how our family grows. Explain to her that a sister is a great thing. That I have one, and they're not so bad. As a matter of fact, they usually become your best friend. At least mine did. Explain to her that no matter how busy things become or how my full attention for her may become compromised in her eyes, that I know her. 

That I know her every breath, every sigh, every tear, every laugh, every smile.

Perfectly attuned. 

If only.
I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart. I am never without it. Anywhere I go, you go my dear. -E.E. Cummings

4 comments:

Aubrie said...

Those pictures are beautiful. (as are your thoughts :) )

MaKenna said...

well, im crying.

Mandy said...

I felt the exact same way! Like I was cheating Viv in a way. It's totally normal and soon when Chloe makes Stella laugh it will all be worth it!

Sarah said...

You are definitely learning how to use your new camera! Those pictures are absolutely gorgeous!