Monday, November 29, 2010


We had a wonderful Thanksgiving break. We had a chance to relax, eat way too much food and spend quality time with both of our families. After spending the past five Thanksgivings in Chicago and Cleveland, Oklahoma gave us a nice chilly reminder of Thanksgivings past. And I was given a reminder of what it felt like to long for my maternity jeans. I realized that if you want to consume 500 pounds of food in 4 days, you might end up looking like you're well into your second trimester. Boy, the stretchy waistband would've come in handy.

Here are a few pics of the Lashley turkeys....or cousins, if you'd like to call them that. I like to call them least mine anyway. The other two are beyond precious.







I hope that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving...and that you didn't eat so much that people wonder if you're due in May.

I'm not by the way. Just need to spend a little quality time on the treadmill.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

If I Didn't Laugh, I Would Cry (and possibly be curled up in the corner, rocking uncontrollably)

I've learned many lessons in the past 20 months of my mothering experience. Some lessons I hold near and dear to my heart, and some I forget and inevitably relearn, only to forget and be embarrassed by them again.

Lessons I learned yesterday:

1. When you bring clothes to change into after your workout at the Y, don't forget to pack a tank top. Because here's what you packed to wear, you idiot-- A flowered, white button-up, a little too short for your long midriff, shirt. A black bra that can be seen straight through your white button-up shirt. A pair of low-rise jeans. And finally, the kicker, a pair of somewhat granny undies that stick out over the top of your low-rise jeans, which then can be seen because your shirt is a little too short to reach the top of your jeans. Don't you see how a tank top would have solved all of those problems?

2. When you go to the pediatrician's office with your babies, don't forget to bring someone with you to help OR leave one of your children at home with a sitter. You are not an octopus. You have two arms. Deciding to go straight from the Y to the doctor's office was probably not the best move I've ever made, but once they're in the car, I hate turning back only to unpack them and then put them back in the car. It's a laborious process, and if you're a mother, you understand. So I had to convince myself that I was ontrend with my fashion and we went on our way.

3. Always carry safety pins. I knew I was in for an embarrassing, yet exciting trip when I started getting the girls out of the car at the doctor's office. I overpacked the diaper bag and things were falling all over the parking lot. Then the buttons on my shirt started popping open. So now, not only could fellow patrons, nurses and their doctor see my black bra through my shirt, but they could actually see my black bra. Awesome.

4. Don't think that you'll get a word in edgewise with the nurses or the doctor. Your daughters like to talk. They talk a lot. And they like to talk over you, apparently. While the doctor was examing Stella for her nine-month well visit, she would not stop talking. She kept saying, "hi, hi, no, no, hi, hi, dada, no" uncontrollably. So while we were trying to talk over her, Chloe decided to chime into the conversation. The doctor would talk to me, and while I was trying to respond, she was trying to answer him too. And then when Dr. M and I would laugh about something, Chloe would throw her head back and fake laugh, like she was in on the joke. And then she learned that if she covered her ears and talked really loudly, it was really loud in her head. And that was really fun to try and talk over. And keep in mind, this whole time, the buttons on my shirt are flying open. There's no telling what this poor guy saw.

5. When your daughters are getting their flu vaccinations, and the nurse offers to get another nurse to help hold your babies, take her up on the offer. Me, trying to convince myself that I can handle the two of them on my own, made a rookie mistake. I knew better than this one. I decided that while Chloe was getting her shot, I would sit Stella in her carseat (which was on the floor), unbuckled. I think I even said at one point, "She won't roll out. She'll be fine in there." While Chloe was getting her shot, I hear a loud thump and crying from the floor behind me. I look down, and Stella was on the floor, flopping like a fish, screaming, in her diaper. It was pathetic and funny. But trying to be a model parent in front of the nurse, I didn't laugh. But I did pick her up and make a joke. I don't even know what the joke was, but I remember that the nurse didn't think it too funny. And then I started praying that she wouldn't report me to DHS for being such an idiot. And then I started praying that they didn't think I was a floosy because of my magically unbuttoning shirt, my underwear hanging out of my pants, and my super low-rise jeans. And then I prayed to be an octopus.

5. Don't ever think that people aren't laughing at you behind your back. Because you know they are. And sometimes they will just go ahead and laugh at you in front of your beet-red face.

6. Don't ever think that God's going to stop giving you blogging material. He just seems to keep 'em coming.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Peas are Good.

While I only contributed about .5% of the girls' genetic makeup (thank goodness, right?), I did pass on their love of food. But more importantly their love of eating food.

In fact, they enjoy their food so much, the sing the entire time while eating.

Here's a little video of the girls eating peas last night. And keep in mind, they're eating peas. Not cake. Not cookies. Not a vat of ice cream (which is my personal favorite). But just plain ol' peas.

And at one point, you'll see Chloe reach for her sister's tray. This is a normal occurrence. Except that she normally pulls the high chair over right next to her and eats Stella's food as well. Maybe something she also picked up from me.

But the freakish upper body strength. I can guarantee (and anyone who's ever seen my try to open up a jar of pickles) that did not come from me.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I'm Turning into My Mother: Part One

Titled: Repeating things your mother says.

I was at the Starbucks drive through today (only because I have a gift card, I'm too cheap otherwise), I gave my order of a small (I refuse to say tall) non-fat latte, and the ever-so chipper Starbucks guy said, "That sounds scrumptious!!!! I'll whip that up for you right away!!!! Pull around and I'll give you your total."

I swear that I heard birds chirping as rainbows were being painted across the sky by magical fairies.

I convinced myself that the sugar from the 500 mochas he must have consumed that day had ravaged his brain. That had to be the excuse for his enthusiasm.

When I pulled up to the window, the chipper kitten handed me my drink. He looked really nice. Really, really nice. And I felt bad for thinking bad thoughts about him and for obnoxiously rolling my eyes 86 times while he was taking my order. (I'm in a really bad mood before my morning coffee.)

As he handed me my drink I said, "Thank you so much. You seem like a really nice young man."

Let me repeat that. You seem like a really nice young man.

Let it sink in. You seem like a really nice young man.

I'm officially 82.

And I'm pretty sure that I hid my face, while poking myself in the eyeball as I drove away in disbelief.

And I'm pretty sure he rolled his eyes 86 times while I drove away for the following reasons: I might have been a little rude to him. I hadn't washed my hair in 5 days. I had two screaming babies in the backseat. I was the youngest looking 82 year old he'd ever seen. And I said... You seem like a really nice young man.

Until next time...

Friday, November 5, 2010

Lions and Monkeys and Pacis

I've decided that Halloween is not intended for an 8-month old, a 19-month old, and a mom who is not crafty or creative or who procrastinates about Halloween up until the very last minute.

As you know, Halloween is celebrated in the evening. And my babies are in bed in the evening. 7:00 PM to be exact. And if they are not eating dinner at 6:00 PM, having their baths at 6:30 PM, and in bed by 7:00 PM, they are grumpy. Beyond grumpy. They are a little scary. Which I guess for Halloween, is spot on.

So when, at 6:00 PM, I was putting on their costumes and not feeding them dinner, it was a little perplexing for the girls. And the meltdowns commenced, and did not stop until 9:30 PM, when they finally hit the sack.

This year Chloe was a lion and Stella was a monkey. I'm just awesomely original like that. I should have tried Stella's costume on sooner than right before we left the house, because we had a little situation. I just assumed that Chloe's costume from last year would fit her, but I somehow forgot that Stella is tall and has grown out of her 6-9 month clothing (which Chloe wore until a few minutes ago). So the costume was a little tight and we could barely fit the monkey head over her head. And when we did fit it over her head, we had a little "camel diaper" situation. And if you don't have any idea what I'm talking about, you should count yourself lucky. The camel diaper sent me straight back to when I was a kid wearing one-piece swimsuits. A one-piece swimsuit is wonderful, but it's a nightmare to wear when you're long-waisted like me. They just ride up oh, so badly in a certain area. And unfortunately, I'm digressing, so I'll stop now.

Here are some pictures of the girls and I. They looked so cute!

And one of the family. I love the way the girls look at the camera.

And a picture with their crazy uncle and awesome aunt.

And the sweetest moment of the night, when their awesome aunt got a sweet little lion kiss. She doesn't hand those out freely. She only kisses if she really feels it.

And of course someone had to have a little meltdown and threw herself down on the ground while trick-or-treating.

But instead of getting upset, I seized the photographic opportunity to get a cute shot. Then I immediately spanked her little lion tail.

And a beautiful picture of her and her Ya Ya.

To top the night off, we went to a Halloween party where the dressing up theme was "Something That Scares You". So naturally, we dressed up as our children. I was Chloe and Jason was Stella. We had their names on our shirts, bows in our hair, and pacis attached to our shirts. This was the most important element of the costume, because you will never find them without pacis attached to their shirts. It's a way of survival around here.

When Chloe saw our shirts, she freaked out. She was beyond obsessed with the paci on my shirt, and I had to hold her while all night while she sucked on the paci. It was really funny. At one point I told Jason, "This is the closest I ever want to be to breast-feeding again." Not that I don't want to have kids again. I do. I just like the bottle. Love the bottle. Can't live without the bottle.

She looks a little confused, doesn't she? And I don't know why I thought that she could wear makeup without smearing it all over everywhere.

So that pretty much sums up our Halloween this year. Full of fun, chaos, and meltdowns. Which is just a regular day around this house. Hopefully next year, I'll be a little more prepared. And hopefully I won't use the phrase "camel diaper" when describing my daughter's costume.

We can always hope, people, we can always hope.