How did God help me ring in the New Year? By publicly humiliating me of course. And really it wasn't His fault. It was my daughters' fault. Which I guess they're His fault. And my fault. And Jason's fault. It really is a vicious circle. Let us not get lost in the details.
The girls and I were at Crest one morning and they have carts with double seats in the front. And it's genius. It really is the only place I can take the girls by myself without a Valium. The girls looked a little something like this.
Except imagine them a few months older, with pants and long sleeves and jackets and hats and socks and shoes. And they weren't this happy. In fact, they were dreadful. Saying that they were grumpy and upset doesn't even begin to describe it. It was one of those rare shopping trips where I'm basically running through the aisles, foregoing my shopping list, throwing everything in the cart, saying a few Hail Mary's, and hiding my face in shame while others looked at us with disgust. We were "those people" and I was "that mother". It was awful.
We finally made it up to the registers and of course they were all full with lines that were miles long. So we waited and I hid, and I even considered abandoning them for a few seconds. But I decided I didn't have it in me. We finally made it up to the register. I threw everything onto that conveyer-belt thingy. While I was doing this I can hear the girls behind me in the cart laughing hysterically. Still in a hurry and not interested in what they were laughing about, I kept loading our groceries on that thingy. What is that called? Anyhow, I begin to hear the people behind us laughing. And the people behind them. And the people behind them. It was at this very moment that I knew my face was going to be extremely red in a matter of seconds.
So I finally turn around to this scene. And take this as a warning about snap button shirts. Chloe was turned to Stella, and she had completely unbuttoned her snap button shirt. Her poor little chest and tummy were bare to the world. But that's not what they were laughing about. Chloe was pulling Stella's little baby-fat-booby and Stella was tossing her head back while laughing hysterically. And as she continued to tickle her sister in this embarrassing way, everybody behind us continued to laugh. I have never been so embarrassed. To halt the tickling, I ran to the girls and buttoned up Stella's shirt. I never said a word to anyone. I never made eye contact. And I know my face was so red that I looked like I was about to burst.
Public humiliation count for 2011? 1. And I have a feeling it's only just begun.