Monday, February 28, 2011

Beef No More

In response to last Friday's pathetic post...

Well, it's aparent that someone at Crest reads my blog. I'm assuming that it's someone high up in the company. Probably a man. Lots of men read my blog. They are my target audience after all.

Anyway, I know that the CEO of Crest reads my blog because he did not let a sleeping monkey lie. In fact, that same afternoon we drove by and the monkey was awake. Someone in our car let out a scream of joy, followed by her children letting out a scream or two. And I'm pretty sure that their screaming was an attempt to let me know that they are utterly embarrassed by me. I will continue to tell myself that they think I'm the coolest person they know.

To really send the embarrassment factor over the top, I made my husband stop to take a picture of us in front of the gorilla.

And here we are. In all of our glory.

In a grocery store parking lot.

Posing with an inflatable gorilla.

And I'll never tell you which girl was the happiest.


But it was me.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Crest--I Have a Beef with You

Crest is my favorite all time store. Well not really. I love me some Trader Joe's. However, I live in Oklahoma and we don't have Trader Joe's. And I'm not bitter really.

But for this time in my life, Crest is awesome for two reasons, and two reasons alone. Rock bottom prices and double-seat grocery carts. And the lady who always give my daugthers slices of cheese. Okay, three reasons.

But Crest really sent me into a state of euphoria when they added a huge inflatable gorilla in their parking lot to advertise for their huge 2-day meat sale. And I guess monkeys have a lot of meat on them, but I don't see the correlation unless they're selling monkey meat. But anyway, I love monkeys, gorillas, apes, etc. And my daughters love monkeys, gorillas, apes, etc. So when I saw this gorilla, the kid in me freaked out. And then my kids freaked out. And everyday since we saw the gorilla, Chloe has done nothing but talk about it. Every single time we get in the car she says (and somewhat whimpers), "Monkey, Monkey. I see Monkey. Hold you. Kiss you. Monkey. Mooooooooooonkeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!"

My beef is this. The monkey is still in the parking lot, but it's no longer inflated. So it's just a blue (yes, the gorilla is blue) puddle. And it's a bit perplexing for an almost 2-year old. Today, I had to convince Chloe that the monkey was just sleeping. And so on our way into the store, she shushed everyone who made a peep. She would say, "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Monkey's sleeping."

And I don't know how long I can keep this explanation up. And I don't know how long I can see this puddle of a monkey without feeling sad that the gorilla's not up anymore. And I don't know if it's really okay for a 30-year old to love monkeys so much.

And I still don't know how a monkey and a meat-sale go together.

But I guess you have your reasons.

And I guess I'll have to get over it.

We sure did have fun while it lasted.

Monday, February 21, 2011

And Many More


It is my sweet husband's birthday today. And because he is such a wonderful husband, and in celebration of another year with him, I gave him the most fantastic birthday present this morning.

Are you ready?





I gave him....





Drum roll, please....




A black eye.

That's right. I gave him a black eye this morning. I've been having crazy dreams lately and I had an especially crazy dream last night. For some insane reason, in the middle of my dream, I did a one-two-punch on his face in the wee hours of the morning. This particular punch can only be described as a swift punch to the face, followed by an elbow straight to the eye. And this punch was executed with quick and ninja-like movements. And while I'm impressed with my agility and speed, I feel so bad that it had to happen to husband. At least I could've saved it for a heroic moment, but instead, I saved it for my husband. On his birthday.

So here's to hoping that his birthday gets better. I mean, it has to get better. You can only go up after being hit by your wife while you lie defenseless in your sleep. And I hope that the present I have for him isn't a gift that starts with this joke. (And you know I love a bad joke)...

"Hey, Jason. You know what's worse than one black eye?, " while revving myself for a super-spectacular one-two-three punch.

In all seriousness. This guy deserves the world. He is an awesome husband. An awesome dad. And he works incredibly hard to support this family.

And in spite of my celestially abusive behavior, he's my man.



Happy Birthday, Jason! I love you.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Divide and Conquer

I've been in a complete state of bliss for the past 24 hours...minus the sinus infection, fever and being rear-ended and the driver deciding to take off. Luckily for me, no damage. So while that might not seem blissful, this part of the story is.

I've been kid free for the past 24 hours.

Jason took Chloe to his brother's house and I shipped Stella to my mom's house.

And I would love to tell you that my children have missed me so much. That they begged and pleaded to come back home. That they absolutely cannot live without me and that they will need me to tuck them into bed every night until they are at least 35.

But...

They are having a ball. Chloe has had more fun than possible; spending time with my aunt, uncle and cousin. No home sickness. No asking for me. Just a lot of fun.

And when I dropped Stella off at my mom's house, I asked for a kiss before I left. She started waving her hands in front of her face and yelled, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" And then when I snuck one anyway, she pushed me and said "Bye bye" and clung to her YaYa.

While it makes me a little sad that they don't want me around for every single second, it makes me feel so proud to think that these little girls are so adaptable. That they enjoy different experiences. And that they feel confident enough to spend a little time away from me.

Makes me feel like I've done a little something right.

And as my alone time comes to an end, I feel refreshed and I just realized that I haven't cleaned up a single mess or washed a million sippy cups in the past 24 hours. And it feels good.

But I do have to say, that I can't wait for all of us to back together again. Even if it means cleaning up messes and washing sippy cups.


Friday, February 11, 2011

I'm Worse than a Man.

I should have never reprimanded my husband on this blog. It has come back to bite me. And it has to be blamed on 5 cupcakes and Yo Gabba Gabba.

Here's what happened.

This afternoon, Chloe woke up a little early from her nap. So I brought her onto the couch and we each had a leftover birthday cupcake from last night. I ended up having about 4 more, which reminds me why I don't keep cake products laying around my house. It's a self control issue. Anyhow, Chloe has been reintroduced to Yo Gabba Gabba (thanks, Jason) and she insisted that we watched this show. While on the couch, I was pondering the appeal of this show to small children. And then I started thinking about how the writers of this show must be taking and or smoking some non-prescription drugs.

During this think-fest, I went into a carb coma and I did something I said I would never do.

I fell asleep.

And then I abruptly woke up to Chloe screaming millimeters from my face, "Wake up, Mama!"

I knew that I couldn't have been asleep very long. But then I looked around and was proven wrong on the estimated time-frame. The Picasso in Chloe came out. Pencil and crayon everywhere. I have a beautiful blue mural on my wall and our marble coffee table has pencil markings all over it. In fact, it looks like she held the pencil on the coffee table and ran perfect circles around it. About 15,o00 perfect circles around the coffee table.

So if you remember, I told a story about my husband falling asleep while watching Chloe and I felt it only appropriate to tell my own. And while my husband's punishment was public humiliation, my subsequent punishment is washing the walls...and public humiliation. But I guess I don't really have any shame anyway. Nice.

If you happen to see my husband, please don't tell him about this. I still need to be able to lie to him and say, "I would NEVER do that."

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Happy Birthday, Stella Elizabeth!

Happy Birthday to my precious girl! I cannot believe that a year has already come and gone. It feels like just yesterday we were meeting her for the first time. I knew from the second I held her how special she was. And every day after that I have been reminded of the gift this little girl is to all of us.

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When I used to imagine the kind of life I would have. Who I would marry. The children we would have. The journey we would be on. I never imagined it as wonderful as this. I wake up every day to the people I love most in my life.

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Stella has expanded our hearts in ways that I don't even know if I could explain. She is unique. Hysterically funny. Sweet. Sassy. Passionate. Loving. Smart. Determined. But above all else, she was created by our heavenly Father. And I am sure of this because only He could create a person as special as Stella.

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This past year has been one of the most rewarding and special years of my life. I thank God for giving me this beautiful little girl. I don't know what I ever did to deserve a daughter like her. But I must've done something right.

We love you so much, Stella Elizabeth!

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Happy Birthday, little darling!

To see where it all started, click here.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

The Day I Felt Like I Could Breathe

One morning last week, the girls had just woken up and I was running around the house. Getting dressed. Cleaning up. Washing a few dishes. Checking my email. Picking up toys. Starting a load of laundry. You know, a typical morning for a mom. And all of the sudden it struck me. The girls were not screaming. They were not crying. I had yet to send them to different corners of the house to play without annoying each other. In fact, I didn't even know where they were.

I panicked for a second.

I ran into their room.


And there they were. Playing with each other. Quietly. Sweetly. Under their table. They looked up at me. Let me snap a few pictures. And then they kind of looked annoyed with me. Like "what is she doing here?" I didn't think that started until the age of 11 or 12 or 13.


I walked into my bedroom. Sat on my bed. And started crying. Not sad tears, but tears of joy. I felt in that moment that all of the hard work I had put in for the past year was finally paying off. The moment that I had been hoping for was finally here.

Things were finally easier.

And I took a breath. And I felt like I could finally breath again. And then I immediately began singing at the top of my lungs, "You find a point when-you will exhale-yea-yea..." Just a side note. I pretend to be Whitney Houston in my free time. And another side note. 'Waiting to Exhale' was my favorite movie in High School. I was, and still am, just that cool.

Anyhow, we're upon the precipice of Stella's first birthday. Last year, at this exact time, I fell on the ice. And I went to the hospital to have my baby. And now we're a year later. I'm in disbelief that we're here. That we made it. I honestly never thought we would survive.


But with a lot of faith. A growth of patience. Several million cups of coffee. Ear plugs. And the help of our precious family and friends. We've made it.

And things are great.

Shoop. Shoop. Shoop. Shoop. Be. Doop.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

I'll Shovel/Let Me Out!

I would love to tell you that I'm one of those people who loves it when a good snow storm hits. And I would love to tell you that when such a snow storm hits that results in everything being shut down, schools cancelled, cities closed; which also results in you being homebound for 3 straight days, that I am the type of person who thrives. Who loves staying indoors, breaking routine. Who uses the opportunity to watch tons of TV, movies, to stay in my pajamas, to organize every closet, to clean every corner of my house, to cook magnificent meals in which I thoroughly planned, and who does not let my children or the fact that we have spent every waking minute together, in our house, together for the past three days drive me crazy.

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This is not me.

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I organized our spices. That's as far as I got.

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Don't get me wrong. I have enjoyed it. At least the first 24 hours were really fun. But I'm starting to feel the cabin fever. And I know that my girls are feeling it too.

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So when Jason told me yesterday that we needed to shovel the driveway, I jumped at the chance. After finally convincing him that I needed to do it, I spent 30 blissful minutes outside working my booty... or more specifically, my arms off.

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I thought about the winters we spent in Chicago. And how our last winter there was awful. And how I was pregnant. And how I had to shovel myself out of our parking lot every single morning before work. And how I was really, really, really pregnant. And how my husband spent most of that winter on his away rotations for medical school. And how with my hormonal and emotional mind frame, I thought he must have strategically planned it this way. And how I made him feel bad every day when I would call him and say, "I'm really, really pregnant, and I shoveled myself out of my parking lot this morning, and you're in TX where it's 80 degrees, and I think I kind of hate your guts right now."

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And then I thought about the time that I went to my 4-Runner after work and the door handles were frozen. And how it was too cold to go back in and ask for help. So I rolled down the window to the back hatch door and climbed through the entire 4-Runner to get to the driver's seat. And how I was 7 months pregnant. And how crazy and funny that must've looked to anyone who saw a huge, pregnant lady climb through her car. And how I really can't repeat the phone conversation I had with Jason later on that night. It was not pretty.

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After I shoveled the driveway, I took the girls out in the snow. And of course they loved it. And I loved it because I got to experience the snow through their eyes.

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And it made me realize that if the reward for being homebound is seeing the joy and excitement in their eyes when they play in the snow, then it's totally worth it.

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And then I went inside and reminded Jason about our last winter in Chicago. And how I was really pregnant. And how I had to shovel myself out every morning. And how he was gone for most of that horrible winter.

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I don't think I'll ever let him live that one down.

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But can you really blame me?