Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Another Year, Another Mom of the Year Award

I've won this award about three times now. Because I'm just that awesome. I'm not sure who sponsors this award...or even where you send your recommendations, but I just keep winning.

I left a little something out of my post yesterday. A sad detail. A detail that leaves me confused as to why Stella is so pumped about bands. Or maybe she just gets a whiff of a band and begins to feel a little sting in her eye. I'm not sure either way...

While at my mom's school for homecoming, things were getting a little hectic before the homecoming parade. A few kids were leaving the class to get on their floats, other kids were watching a movie while inhaling candy, I was trying to scarf down a cheeseburger my mom brought us from the cafeteria, and there was one girl who had her eyes intently on the girls.

You know this girl. Okay you don't really know her, but you know the type. She was so sweet and so intrigued with my children. She talked to them and held their hands and played with them. I'm pretty sure that she has more of a motherly instinct as a 4th-grader as I do as an almost 31-year old mother of two. I have to admit that I admired her ease and wished that I had a just an ounce of her ability.

My mom announced to her class and to me that it was time to go. (When she said it to me she really meant, get a hold of her children, put down the cheeseburger and get ready to go.) She was in a little bit of a mad rush which put me in a mad rush. The 4th grade girl stayed as calm as a cucumber; helping me get the girls in the stroller, handing them their drinks, making them laugh. This girl was good. I was a mess.

My mom handed me the sunscreen and said, "They'll probably need this." I couldn't have agreed more. It was the kind of sunscreen that sprays a mist. And while I hadn't used this kind before, we had the same type at home. Except for one major difference.

This was not the "tear-free" type.

And stupid me, I sprayed it all over Stella. Just like I always do. But this time she rubbed her eyes and started screaming.

I felt like a loser mom.

As I was trying to clean her up, I kept trying to reassure Stella that I loved her and that I was so sorry and that I felt so horrible and that the sting would go away soon. While I was trying to get the sunscreen out of her eyes, I kept hearing that little girl explain to her fellow classmates,

"She sprayed sunscreen in her eyes. That's why she's crying."

Except that it my ears it sounded less like the sweet little explanation that it was and more like a booming announcement over the loudest speaker imaginable.

"SHE SPRAYED SUNSCREEN IN HER EYES. THAT'S WHY SHE'S CRYING. SHE MIGHT BE THE WORST MOM EVER!"

And I hid my head in shame for the rest of the parade. And Stella eventually recovered from the sunscreen. She's still recovering from the shock of having her mom spray her directly in the eye with which I'm sure felt totally like mace. Here's what she looked like for much of the afternoon, poor thing.


And I can still feel that little girl looking at me with horror. I'm sure she still feels like a logical explanation for my actions are in order. My explanation is this. My name is Morgandi. I'm a mom. I'm not perfect. I really like cheeseburgers. And I try my best. Really I do. But most of the lessons I've learned about being parent have been like some sort of sick science experiment. I try something. It doesn't work. Most of the time it really, really fails, but I know better the next time. Or the time after that. Or the time after that. But I can promise you this, I will never spray my baby in the eye with sunscreen again. Especially not when you're around.

You can send my mom of the year nominations to this address.

momoftheyear@momoftheyear.com.

Just don't tell them this story. Okay?

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