When I left off (a little over three weeks ago. I'm majorly slacking, obviously) I had finished the marathon. I believe even my fingertips were sore when I typed the last post, but I'm fully recovered now and my legs are functioning and running once again.
And in the sake of time, I'm gonna squeeze a little Mother's Day in along with my favorite marathon moment. I promise it will come together in the end.
Mother's Day came and went without a picture or any sweet post and I'm a little bummed. It was a good day. But it was busy. It was in fact so busy, that my mom and I decided to celebrate Mother's Day another weekend with dinner and a movie. Perfect.
So back to the marathon. This random post will come together eventually, at least I think so.
It was quite possibly one of the most challenging things I've ever done. I hit three major walls that I didn't think I could overcome. Mile 16. Mile 19. Mile 21. I had crazy thoughts running through my head like, "I don't think I can do this. Why am I doing this to myself? These people are so crazy! Why is everyone else running faster than me? Who can I pay to pick me up and take me across the finish line? I would rather go through childbirth than do this again. Why can't I feel my legs anymore? I can't believe I haven't peed my pants yet. I will never, ever, ever, ever do this again!!!!!"
But my feet just kept moving. I kept going. I kept pushing. Partly because I'm a perfectionist and I had no choice but to finish and to run as well as possible. But mainly I kept moving for my girls. I knew that they would be with my mom and sister on the course somewhere, and I absolutely, without a doubt, could not wait, and as if my life depended on it, I had to see them.
As I was finishing up the last few miles I was really keeping eye on the time. I knew that if I kept pushing myself, I would reach my goal time of 4:30:00. And when I reached the homestretch, my eye was on the clock at the finish line. I was focused in. I was starting to really move. And I knew I was going to make my time.
Do you see me in this pic? That was me, hoofing it, totally focused on finishing without another thought in my head. (And on a complete side note, there is a really, really funny story about this picture. It has nothing to do with the marathon. There's nothing "funny" happening, but what I discovered when I was editing this pic was hilarious. If you see me in person, I might tell you. I might not. Oh who am I kidding, I'll tell you. It's funny alright.)
While I was thinking "finish, finish, finish, finish, finish", I heard my mom's voice yelling, "Morgandi!"
And I looked over and saw my mom holding my girls, and they were looking straight at me wondering what in the world I was doing.
In that moment, I dropped my mantra, I didn't care if I finished before my goal, my heart melted. I couldn't move any further until I kissed those sweet faces.
And that's exactly what I did. And it was pretty awesome.
This had to be one of the best moments of my life.
And then I looked at my mom and sister (who was taking the pictures) and my mom pointed towards the finish line and yelled, "GO!" It was a good thing she did. I'm pretty sure I almost started giving an acceptance speech at that point.
So, "go" I did. And I made it under my goal.
And so I while I might not have pictures from Mother's Day last Sunday, I have this memory and these pictures. And I guess that's enough for me. Motherhood is what it is. It's great. It's challenging. And much like the questions I asked myself during the marathon, I find myself asking those same questions everyday. "Am I enough? What am I doing? Does everyone else feel like they're making a thousand mistakes?" But you just have to keep moving. Keep pushing. Keep trying.
And lucky for me, I have a mom who has made a path and who has shown me what it means to be an excellent mom. I can only hope that I'm at least half as great as what she is.
And thanks to my sister, who bathed and dressed my daughter's on Sunday so that I could sit on the couch and watch
The Real Housewives of New Jersey some educational documentary on economics or something like that.
Hope all of you had a very Happy Mother's Day!